I had a bit of a revelation this week.
Jesus and I have something in common.
You may be thinking that we all have things in common with Jesus. And we do! He walked this earth as we do, he felt pain and experienced joy as we do. And we are made in His Father’s image, so yes-definitely have things in common with him.
However, I had a much deeper revelation in view of my connection with my savior this week. One that I believe will help me deal with the heartache I experience in parenting with a different perspective.
Let me back up a bit.
My pastor, Andy Stanley (yep, I go to one of those BIG churches–and I love it!), has been sharing a message series entitled, “In the Meantime: What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do.”
When Andy first started the series, I thought that it would be perfect for my family in the sense of learning patience as there was several things on our horizon that were undetermined. And I don’t do so well with the unexpected and abrupt changes to my routine.
However, as the weeks passed, I realized God was teaching me more then how to be patient.
He was showing me his love. In a very painful way.
Andy presented various examples to illustrate that sometimes we have to walk through hard things just to be able to relate to others who walk through hard times.
Misery loves company.
But truly, isn’t it so much easier to share our hardships with someone who understands then to share it with someone who has never had any experience with the pain we are enduring?
When I was diagnosed with an odd form of Cystic Fibrosis a few years ago, I knew I had a choice to make.
- I could feel sorry for myself and allow the disease to define me in a negative way by being bitter about the pain and suffering I would experience for the rest of my life and let fear rule me.
- I could use my story to help others. I could share how my faith in God gave me the strength I needed to get through some hard times. I could look for ways to help raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis and fight for a better outcome and treatments for those that would come after me.
But I wasn’t expecting to go through this journey to help my children.
You see, shortly after my diagnosis, it was suspected that both my children had a form of Cystic Fibrosis as well. Not what a parent wants to hear.
It was now my responsibility to model how to fight, how to live and how to stay positive for my babies.
This past week I was in severe pain. It was a common set-back and one that could be treated and managed but it was an absolutely miserable treatment. And I began to feel a bit sorry for myself. I dreaded having to go through the procedure. I had been there, done that, more than once. And I did not want to do it again. But I would, and it would be okay.
However, two days later I sat in the doctor’s office for my son’s well visit, and a new reality hit me as we discussed the current symptoms my son was having.
My son, was experiencing the same pain I was. He would inevitably have to go through the same treatment that I had to–and I knew exactly how miserable he would feel during that treatment.
My heart was shattered.
I thought it would be easier for my children and I to have each other to navigate our disease.
It may be easier for them, but not for this mom’s fragile heart.
And then I felt a tug.
“This is how I feel for you. I beared your pain on the cross. I know what you are feeling and I hate it for you. But I am here for you to lean on.”
Jesus gets it.
He understands that my heart is my two children and I want nothing more to protect them and take away their pain. But I CAN NOT! I am walking through it with them and will be there for them to cheer them on, cry with them, and celebrate the small miracles with them. And no one will understand better than I do what they are going through.
So when I need strength–I need to turn to my Savior.
My Letter to Jesus
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for coming onto this earth to experience and bear my pain, both the pain I cause myself and the pain that I endure innocently.
Thank you for being the support I need and my strength to fight and continue on the path you desire for my life. Allow me to model to my children and the those I encounter your grace and the strength you have given to me, so that they may see you at work in my life.
For my precious children, thank you for the faith they have in you and I pray that as they grow, they will seek you and your guidance and your comfort. I pray they won’t be angry about the condition they have, but they will remember that is a part of the purpose you have for them here on earth.
And finally, thank you for my condition. Thank you that it has allowed me to experience you and your comfort in a way that some people will never experience. It has also taught me the value of life and the value of the time I am given here with my loved ones. Allow me to use this time as a gift and blessing to others.
For those of you that are hurting, send me your prayer requests. I would love to pray that God can give you His peace, as he has for me.